Her name was Abby* and I never did understand her point of view. It seemed, I thought, so contrary to common sense. I was sitting on the computer reading her post on a forum. It was one of those nights, I had some free time to catch up on the latest discussion – chivalry – and Abby boggled me. She was the main debater against chivalry, she was a feminist. I had never imagined a girl, let alone a Christian homeschool girl, who actually did not like a man or boy holding a door for her. Did I say that I thought chivalry to be common sense? Yes – but at that time I didn’t fully grasp why. Maybe you don’t either – or maybe you, like Abby, are against chivalry too, but do you know what chivalry is? Really?
First let me tell you what chivalry is not. It is not when a guy holds a door or carries something to get a girls attention and girls, we should not take it like that or only appreciate the good looking guys who do something chivalric. No, chivalry is a mindset, just like its opposite, feminism. Perhaps if we understand feminism better it will help us to understand chivalry. Feminism is completely contrary to chivalry. Webster defines feminism as:
The theory of the politicl, economic, and social equality of the sexes or organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.
In other words, according to Webster, feminists believe that they are equal with men in everything. This implies that they believe that they have been treated in a degrading way in the past, by being ‘forced’ to take a position in life lower then men.
This was Abby’s logic – why should a man hold a door for her when she was physically capable of opening her own door?
Unfortunately, many people do not realize the importance of chivalry or understand duty, nor do people realize how degrading feminism is. Phyllis Schlafly of Eagle Forum who has been called “an articulate and successful opponent of the radical feminist movement” Said, “Feminism leads women to believe that their own selfish self-fulfillment is what’s most important.” Countless families have been destroyed by its poison. Since the beginning it has destroyed women’s happiness as they willingly fell for the lies.
Some Christian women won’t even admit it, in fact they might not even realize that they have a feministic way of thinking, this is because feminism has been so engrained in all of our lives.
I found this myself, I was about fourteen and I had a distinct view of how I was going to live my life. I was going to graduate from high school, rent an apartment in LA and spend my entire life trying to get into the big movies. I used lay in bed at night thinking of it and worrying about it, trying to figure out how to attain it. I didn’t know what I would do when I had a family, it irked me that I might have to give up my dream career for something like taking care of children. If you told me I was being irrational and unwise, I would have rolled my eyes, I had heard it all before, if you had told me my views were that of a feminist, I wouldn’t have believed you. Many women are of that mindset.
Abby wasn’t the only one – I too had fallen for the lie.
But, I didn’t stay fallen for long. Soon, I began to realize, that my dream wasn’t what I was meant to do. This change in my thinking began to happen gradually. I couldn’t even tell you when exactly I changed my mind about acting, but it did change and I am very thankful for that. I began to see what a blessing the biblical role of a woman was: to have a family and to be a helpmeet to my husband and to be a keeper at home. I realize now what I didn’t then, that the Lord’s way is so much better than mine is. I still enjoy acting, but the difference is that now I no longer desire it for a career and it no longer consumes my thoughts.
So, now that we have looked at feminism, chivalry’s opposite, it is time that we look at chivalry itself. Though chivalry is commonly associated with knighthood during the medieval ages, its foundations can be found in the Bible. If you look closely at the chivalric code, you will see that it is centered around one basic concept: honor. The Bible has much to say about honor. Romans 12:10 says “Be kindly, affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” If you were to take the knight’s code and break it down to the basic principle behind it all you would find that this verse fully encompasses it.
Since the beginning of time the world has concentrated on destroying all that is Godly and noble and today we can see its effects. Both men and women lack respect for each other and women have been taught to look down on chivalric actions as condescending. That is why Abby was offended when men opened the door for her – the world had taught her that they were only holding the door because they were superior to her and she believed it.
Chivalry and how we respond to it has to do with our hearts. That is why truly chivalric men don’t just open the door for that ‘hot girl’ and why girls should appreciate chivalry from anyone. Try and imagine what our world would be like without anyone being considerate what would it be like? We are already living so much for ourselves, how much farther can we go?
Hopefully you now realize how important it is that chivalry should not die out today. If we look at what the Bible says we can see that being chivalrous, which is also termed courteous today, is commanded : Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous (1 Peter 3:18 ) For those with a humble spirit this should not be a problem. If we don’t appreciate chivalry for the right reasons we need to be asking ourselves why. Is it because we think we are too good for others?
So thank you to all the men and boys who are still gentlemen and are willing to be chivalric and to the women and girls encourage and appreciate it.
Oh and in the end… about a year after the chivalry debate began – Abby too, after all her arguments against it, finally began to appreciate chivalry.